


architect of a feeling

by princesskay



Category: Mindhunter (TV 2017)
Genre: Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Topping from the Bottom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:53:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23581909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesskay/pseuds/princesskay
Summary: After the case Holden had been consulting on goes cold and the plug is pulled on the taskforce, he comes home frustrated and wanting to regain some sense of control. Bill is pleasantly surprised by this development.
Relationships: Holden Ford/Bill Tench
Comments: 10
Kudos: 55





	architect of a feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this prompt from anonymous: (me, channeling what i feel into a prompt): holden comes home frustrated from work/a consult and he just wants to have some control over something in his life, cue holden initiating sex and being weirdly dominating
> 
> I really loved this prompt, and I think everyone can relate with the world feeling a little beyond their control right now. I hope everyone can live vicariously a bit through Holden in this fic!

Midweek, the evening flight from Oklahoma to Virginia is half-empty. Holden shares the row with an older gentleman in a suit who spends most of the trip dozing off in the aisle seat while Holden is tucked against the window with the case file open in his lap. Unlike his companion, he’s far from exhaustion though the last three weeks have put nearly as much stress as he can handle on his shoulders. He sips the tepid, in-flight bourbon in a haphazard attempt to soothe the grip of frustration in his chest while he runs over the details of the case for the hundredth time. 

The photographs of the young victims stare up at him from the folder the same as they have been for the past three weeks, but this time feels different. When he’s in the midst of investigation, tracking down leads, working theories, and gaining traction, these faces invigorate and encourage him because they’re looking to him for hope. Now, with the last few maddening days of a dying trail dragging out coldly behind him, they only serve to frustrate and disappoint. 

With no further leads or suspects to pursue, the city had pulled the plug on the task force. There hadn’t been a new victim in weeks, and Holden’s continued presence at the precinct wasn’t gaining them any traction. 

Ted called yesterday in an attempt to allay Holden’s dismay that he’s being sent home without an arrest being made. It hadn’t helped. Ted’s assurances that they did everything that they could and that they were leaving the local police with a good blueprint to continue without him had only burrowed his despair deeper into his chest. He hates feeling worthless and helpless, but more than that, he hates leaving behind the families of the victims whom he had promised justice to. 

When the flight lands in Dulles, Holden tucks the folder back into his briefcase, and walks off the plane with a heavy weight bearing down in his chest. After he retrieves his luggage, he heads out into long term parking where his car is waiting for him. He climbs inside, and sits in the darkness for a long moment, pressing his eyes shut against the sting of overwrought emotion. 

When he starts the car and steers out onto the freeway, he rolls down the window to let the cool, spring air soothe the flush on his cheeks. Along the drive home, he tries to get his thoughts and emotions into order. It’s not quite late enough to ensure that Bill will already be asleep, and he’ll see Holden’s distress immediately. And he’ll want to help, which in any other situation would have been reassuring; but there’s nothing he can say to make this situation better, and Holden doesn’t feel like talking about the troubling details of the case without having a satisfactory conclusion at the end. 

As his car rolls down their street, he glimpses the light still on in the bedroom window. Parking in the driveway, he shuts the engine off, and draws in a deep breath. Once he’s certain he’s gathered his composure as well as he can, he gets his luggage out of the trunk, and drags it up the stairs to the front door. 

He takes his coat and shoes off by the door, and carries his bags down the hallway to the bedroom. 

Bill is sitting up against the pillows in bed reading a book. He looks up over the rim of his reading glasses when Holden shuffles into the room. 

“Hi.” Holden says. 

“Hey, I thought I heard you pull in.”

Holden musters a smile as he drops his luggage by the door, and crosses the room to drop a chaste kiss on Bill’s mouth. 

“How was the flight?” 

“Fine.” 

Holden can feel Bill watching him as he pulls his tie off, and unbuttons his shirt. Biting the inside of his cheek, he bends to strip out of his trousers, and tosses his clothes in the hamper. 

“Tired?” Bill asks. 

“Beat. I haven’t gotten much sleep the past few weeks.”

“Okay.” Bill says, shooting a glance at the clock. “We can make it an early night.”

“Thanks.” Holden murmurs. 

He goes into the bathroom without another word, and grabs his toothbrush. He leans against the counter as he starts brushing, the minty taste of toothpaste barely reaching past the dull roar in his brain. He slowly looks up at his reflection in the mirror, the dark circles under his eyes and the scarce color in his cheeks. 

Holden’s gaze swings from his own tortured expression when Bill leans against the door jamb, his brow fixed with a worried frown. 

“Ted told me what happened.” He says, softly. 

Holden leans over to spit into the sink, avoiding Bill’s gaze. “There was nothing else we could do. My time is better spent here, working active cases.”

“Uh-huh.” Bill grunts, sounding unconvinced. “Is that how you really feel, or is that what Ted told you?”

Holden rinses his mouth with water, and straightens with the towel pressed to his mouth. He presses his eyes shut. The verbal mention of the case makes the fist in his chest tighten, the emotion threatening to burst from its compartmentalized boxes. 

“I know you don’t like leaving things unfinished.” Bill continues, putting a gentle hand on Holden’s elbow. “I understand if you’re upset.”

Holden tosses the towel on the counter, and opens his eyes to cast Bill a steely gaze. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Really.”

Bill’s gaze clings tenaciously to him, reading underneath the layers of manufactured indifference. 

“I … I don’t really want to talk about it.” Holden says, glancing away. “Four little girls are dead, Bill, and … and I couldn’t help them. So, that’s it. We’re off the case, and-”

“Holden.” Bill says, his hand pressing warmly against Holden’s lower back. 

Holden clenches his jaw, and squeezes at the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. He can feel everything spinning beyond his control. The case, his emotions, this moment - the one he’d promised himself they weren’t going to have. 

“Look at me.” Bill says, softly. 

Holden cracks his eyelids open as Bill pulls him around by the elbow so that they’re facing each other. Under the white glare of the bathroom light, Bill’s eyes are transparent, gripping blue, glinting with a persistence that refuses to dwindle despite Holden’s insistence that he’s fine. 

“I know it feels like all of your hard work was for nothing, but that isn’t true.” Bill says, wrapping his arms around Holden’s waist and dragging him closer. “The case might be cold right now, but that doesn’t mean they’re never going to catch the guy. You gave them the profile and a plan. It isn’t over yet.”

“Sure.” Holden says, “But you know what that means? It means another child has to die before they catch him.”

“Not necessarily.”

“Yes, it does.” Holden says, breaking free of Bill’s embrace with an exasperated jab of his hand. “It’s cold, Bill. Ice cold. They’re never going to catch that guy unless he kills again. Which I guarantee you he will.”

Bill sighs, and rubs a hand over his mouth. They stare at one another for a long moment, frustration simmering at a low boil in the silence. 

“Okay.” He says, finally. “What do you want me to do, Holden? What can I say to make you believe that this isn’t your fault?”

Holden purses his lips, feeling tears hedging at the corners of his eyes. He shakes his head. 

“Nothing.” 

Bill opens his mouth to protest, but Holden holds up an exasperated hand. 

“Nothing. Just forget it.” 

He marches forward in an attempt to brush past Bill, but Bill catches him around the waist. 

“Holden, stop.” Bill whispers, his arms winding with unyielding perseverance around Holden’s waist. “Come here.”

Holden resists for half a second before succumbing to the embrace and the warmth of Bill’s strong arms wrapping him up close to his chest. As the emotion crushes up forcefully through his chest, he buries his face in Bill’s neck, and inhales the familiar scent of his skin and the reassuring pulse of his blood running steadily, calmly. Slowly, the tension in his body unwinds, until he’s wrapping his arms around Bill’s neck, and urging closer. 

Bill’s palms rub up and down his back in a soothing caress, imbuing warmth and relief into skin left untouched for the last several weeks. His breath seeps against Holden’s ear, and the rasp of his breath is a welcome sound that Holden hadn’t realized he missed right until this moment. 

Lifting his face from Bill’s neck, Holden rests his forehead against Bill’s, and lets out a slow, shuddering breath. 

Bill’s fingers stroke Holden’s cheek as he whispers, “That’s it. Breathe.”

Holden nods, keeping his eyes shut as the fist in his chest uncurls, letting him exhale while also setting his emotions loose. But God, he doesn’t want to cry over these dead kids anymore, and he doesn’t want to drown in his despair. He doesn’t want to sink beneath the waves, feeling that no matter how hard he fights, he can’t control a single thing. He wants to feel good, and he wants to be the architect of that feeling, the master of his own wants and needs. 

Holden opens his eyes to glimpse Bill’s gaze swallowing him up, concerned and adoring. A bolt of desire crushes through him, racing hot against the lingering frustration and cold dismay.

He leans in to press his mouth against Bill’s, planting a kiss that’s bracing and graceless. Bill grunts into the gesture, and clutches at Holden’s waist in alarm; but he doesn’t struggle as Holden pushes up against him, driving his back into the corner of the door frame, and plastering his mouth in hot, wet strokes across Bill’s. 

Groaning, Holden slips his mouth open to curl his tongue against Bill’s compliant mouth. He tastes good and familiar, like smoke and whiskey and the sweet strain of saliva, and the reintroduction across Holden’s senses after weeks apart only encourages the sudden need bounding through his veins. 

Grasping Bill’s waist, Holden pulls them away from the door of the bathroom, and nudges them back into the bedroom. 

Bill takes a few staggering steps backwards under Holden’s guidance before gripping Holden’s cheeks to momentarily break them apart. 

“Holden-” He whispers, his voice hoarse with a conflicted mix of need and worry. “Are you sure that-”

“Shh, don’t talk.” Holden interrupts, planting wet kisses on Bill’s protesting lips in between the admonition. 

Bill mutters a soft groan as Holden secures his mouth in a harder kiss, and reaches down to fondle Bill’s groin. With a few hard strokes, Bill’s cock goes hard to his touch, rising up against the confines of his boxers into swollen erection. 

Bill clutches at his cheeks, and opens his mouth to the urgent press of Holden’s tongue. As his lips part submissively the caress, Holden feels a rush of satisfaction purge the lingering sadness from his chest, driving out the darkness with the exploding light of desire. 

Holden severs the kiss, but keeps his hand wrapped firmly around Bill’s cock. 

Bill’s forehead leans into his while his mouth exhales raspy breaths against Holden’s cheeks. “Fuck, Holden …”

Holden urges them back into motion, and Bill staggers back to the bed until his knees hit the edge of the mattress. As they fall to the sheets, Holden pushes between Bill’s thighs, and crawls over him to land another hard kiss on his mouth. Their mouths entangle in a hungry, eager kiss, but Holden’s tongue dominates the trembling offering of Bill’s tongue. He licks across it before catching it in his mouth. His eyes slip open to meet Bill’s with hazy need as he draws back, letting Bill’s tongue slide slowly from between his teeth. 

They break apart, and Bill pants quietly. His kissed-raw lips hang open in dazed alarm at Holden’s sudden resolve. Swallowing thickly, he reaches up tentatively to slip his hands under Holden’s t-shirt. 

Holden leans back to seize hold of both wrists, and pushes Bill’s arms above his head.

Bill grunts softly, his brow creasing with a surprised frown as Holden pins his arms down. 

Holding Bill’s wide-eyed gaze, Holden leans down to smother the quiet groan with a brusque kiss. He strokes persistently at Bill’s mouth, allowing his teeth to graze a few times before Bill hesitantly opens his mouth to the kiss and lets Holden’s tongue sweep inside. 

Holden quietly wonders if this is how Bill always feels when they’re having sex and he’s pinning Holden down and fucking him senseless. He’s never tried to assert this kind of authority in bed, but it feels good, a kind of rush that can outmatch any negative emotion still buried in his chest. 

Breaking off the kiss, Holden leans back on his heels. 

Bill’s arms remain above his head, but his fingers flex into nervous, twitching fists. He watches Holden with a curious gaze, his nostrils flared with deep, exhilarated breaths. The front of his boxers is tented with a squirming erection. 

Holden strips out of his t-shirt, and tosses it over the side of the bed. 

Bill’s jaw clenches as his eyes wander over Holden’s bare skin. Holden can imagine he’s thinking about sitting up right now and throwing Holden down to the sheets - and normally, that’s exactly the kind of primal reaction Holden would be searching for. But not tonight. 

Slipping off the edge of the bed, Holden takes off his underwear, and turns to take the Vaseline out of the nightstand drawer. He crawls back onto the bed between Bill’s legs, and takes off the lid. 

He nods at Bill’s boxers. “Take those off.”

Bill’s chest rises with a hitched breath as he lowers his hands from above his head to strip out of his boxers. He tosses them aside, and lets his legs fall open against the sheets. His cock lays swollen and twitching against his belly, drawing Holden’s gaze to its thickness, the delicious curve that causes it to favor his left hip. 

Holden crawls forward, and lifts each leg to straddle Bill’s hips. As he settles down, his cock nudges against Bill’s, both of them rock hard and pulsing against one another. 

Bill mutes a groan with a clench of his jaw, and grabs at Holden’s hips. 

Holden sets aside the Vaseline to grasp Bill’s wrists and push his arms back above his head. Leaning over Bill, he pins his wrists in place against the mattress, and bends to drop a kiss against his mouth. 

“Stay still.” He murmurs. 

“Fuck, Holden.” Bill pants, softly, his hips grinding softly up against Holden’s weight in his lap. “I don’t see you for three weeks, and now you’re not going to let me touch you?”

“Mmm …” Holden murmurs, narrowing his eyes in feigned consideration. “Yes.”

Bill tucks his teeth over his lower lip, uttering a strained groan. “Christ-”

“Shh.” Holden soothes, planting a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “You can touch me later. Right now I’m going to ride your cock until I come.”

Bill’s cheeks flush with fresh need, his eyes slipping half-shut in aroused agony. A groan grinds from the back of his throat as Holden straightens and grabs the Vaseline from the sheets. 

Dipping his fingers into the ointment, Holden braces one hand against Bill’s chest, and sticks his damp fingers behind him to locate his hole. His body seizes on the first stroke, untouched nerve-endings screaming with overstimulated need. He moans aloud as he lathers the Vaseline down the cleft before narrowing in on his hole. 

Forcing his eyelids open, Holden casts a sultry gaze down at Bill who is watching him with a strained expression of arousal. His hands are knotted above his head, fighting back the urge to grab onto Holden and roll him down against the sheets, and his eyes are heavy-lidded with mounting desire. 

Holden’s eyes squeeze shut again as he massages his hole into relaxation and slips a finger inside. Need ripples through his body, drawing especially tight at his groin. He arches his hips back into the penetration and begins to rock steadily into his pumping finger. 

“Oh, fuck …” He moans, his head dropping as arousal swoops low through his belly. 

“Fucking Christ, Holden.” Bill groans, his hands fisting anxiously above his head. “Just let me-”

“No.” Holden says, his voice tangled up in a moan. “No, just lay back.”

Bill's gaze rolls downward to watch the urgent thrust of Holden’s hips grinding back into the penetration of his own finger and his cock bobbing up and down with the motion. His mouth purses hard, swallowing back a tortured groan. When Holden reaches over to gather more ointment on his fingers, he looks away and squeezes his eyes shut. 

Holden’s mouth quivers in a taut smile as he rubs two fingertips over his hole, and breaches himself slowly. 

“Bill, look at me.”

Bill’s eyelids crack open, casting Holden a frustrated glare. 

“Watch me.” Holden says, breathlessly, leaning down to plant a kiss on the stern line of Bill’s lower lip. 

Bill mutters a moan as Holden breathes shakily against his mouth, taking the two fingers with slow, steady thrusts. 

“God, that feels good.” Holden whispers, “I missed your cock so much. I can’t wait to have it inside me.”

“Fuck you.” Bill whispers, his voice strained and husky with need. 

“I’m about to.”

Bill tilts his head up to catch Holden’s lower lip in a fierce kiss. Holden kisses him back for a brief moment before pulling his head back to utter a groan. His fingers are working deeper, stroking him open in anticipation of Bill’s big, hard cock, and he can already feel the pleasure spiraling through his belly just awaiting the right friction to explode. 

Bill’s gaze clings to Holden’s slack-jawed expression of lust, and the undulation of his hips grinding against his pumping hand. His own cock twitches helplessly, taking on a deep shade of pink that borders on tortured, engorged purple. He groans in the back of his throat, a sound that’s close to an animal growl when Holden thrusts a bit faster. 

“For God’s sake, will you hurry up?” He says, impatiently. 

“I thought I told you to be quiet and stay still.” Holden mutters, slipping his eyes open to cast Bill a stern gaze. 

“You’re making it very difficult to-”

Holden presses the fingers of his free hand over Bill’s mouth, silencing the complaint. “Shh, you can bitch later.” 

Bill’s mouth purses beneath Holden’s fingers, and his nostrils flare with hard breath; but he stays quiet as Holden rocks back against his fingers, sighing aloud in satisfaction. He simply watches with a burning gaze until Holden finishes preparing himself, and withdraws his fingers with a breathless gasp. 

Holden struggles to hold his composure together as need crushes between his thighs. Dipping trembling fingers into the Vaseline again, he smears the ointment over Bill’s cock with a hasty touch. 

Bill groans, his hips lurching beneath Holden’s weight. His hands instinctively surge from above to his head to clutch at Holden’s bare hips, dragging him urgently closer. 

Holden gives Bill’s cock a squeeze. “Put your hands back where they belong.”

Bill bites his lower lip as he retrieves his hands. “You’re a sadistic little shit, you know that?”

Holden purses his lips over a smile. “I’m about to sit on your cock. You should be thanking me.”

Before Bill can offer a protest or an agreement, Holden leans forward to position himself over Bill’s cock. He guides the head up against his hole, and applies just enough pressure to allow the tip to slip inside. 

“Oh, Jesus.” Bill groans, his eyes slamming shut, and his hands clutching into the sheets above his head. “Holden.”

Holden bites his lower lip in concentration, and exhales out the last of resistance from his body. He slides down gradually, taking Bill’s cock inch by inch, and feeling it stretch him all the way open. The thick, dull pressure creeps into the taut crevices, offering that full, aching sensation that makes his cock leap with satisfaction. As he sinks all the way down, a high-pitched moan rushes from his chest. Their bodies join with a jolt, and he goes still to enjoy the feeling of being forced open and crammed full of Bill’s cock. 

“Oh, fuck …” He whispers, his mouth dangling open in a gasp of pleasure. “Oh my god, that feels so good.”

Bill’s chest convulses with exhilarated breaths, and his hips urge up against Holden’s weight. His face is twisted with the conflicted tension of desperate need and deep pleasure, and his hands tear impatiently at the sheets. 

“Fuck, baby.” He pants, his gaze wandering deliriously over Holden’s body straddling his hips and stretching in a pleased arch of divine pleasure. “Look at you. So fucking beautiful.”

Holden slips his eyes open to meet Bill’s gaze as he undulates against him, shifting the weight of Bill’s cock back and forth inside him. The grinding pressure rocks up against his prostate, sending a thrill of white-hot pleasure from his core to the tips of his toes. 

“Ohhh.” Holden moans, reaching down to brace a hand against Bill’s ribs as his body momentarily goes limp with immense pleasure. 

He takes a moment to gather himself before he starts again, going at a slow, yet steady pace that gets Bill’s cock rocking in shallow strokes into him. Satisfaction ripples up and down his spine in a wave of warm tingles, arousal building towards its peak. His cock twitches violently from between his thighs, smacking up against his belly with every thrust. 

“Fuck, please.” Bill rasps, hands disentangling from the sheets to reach desperately for Holden’s writhing body. 

“Relax.” Holden says, tilting his head back as he rocks a bit faster. “Sit on them if you have.”

“Seriously? Holden, come on-”

“I mean it.” Holden says, closing his eyes in concentration. He circles his hips down against Bill’s cock, gasping softly as the motion drags deliciously across his prostate. “I’m getting there. You … you better not come.”

“Not until you do, baby.” Bill mutters, offering his first willing compliance of the night.

Holden’s eyes open to glimpse Bill’s mouth tilted in a grim smile, his gaze focused on Holden’s undulating hips. A rush of satisfaction dissolves in his veins and stretches outward, to every inch of his body, and he can feel himself floating in a weightless euphoria, all the stress of the past three weeks left on the ground below. 

Holden thrusts faster, groaning low in the back of his throat as the friction builds, rubbing up against the sensitive places deep inside. His cock gives another pronounced twitch, getting so hard that he feels the low burst of a tingle beginning to build. 

“Oh, fuck yes.” He whispers, sliding into a faster rhythm as the angle locks into place against his prostate. He reaches down to grab at his cock with a shaking hand, and the first brush of contact makes his body curl inward with a thrill of pleasure. 

“Oh, baby.” Bill whispers, his voice paper-thin and wrecked with need.

His hands are obediently locked above his head, but Holden can feel his gaze, attentively watching as Holden works himself over the edge. The electric weight of that look only encourages the hot need clutching Holden’s groin, urging him closer and closer towards the white light of climax. 

Holden’s thrusting reaches a frenzy that’s matched by the vigorous stroke of his hand, and he feels the ache sharpen to an almost unbearable intensity. His jaw clenches and his breathing nearly stops through the final, torturous moments right before the tension snaps and explodes into brilliant, deep spasms. With a staggered cry, he submits to the surge of pleasure hitting him violently with the first wave of spasms. His jagged thrusts cut off abruptly as he bows over Bill, shuddering in the clutches of orgasm. 

Bill watches as Holden’s cock jets cum from past his jerking fist, and splatters his belly and chest in an abundant rain of milky white rivers. Holden’s eyes slip open to meet his gaze as the next round of spasms nearly cripple him, and he sinks down towards Bill’s chest. Bill’s mouth slips open in awe, his gaze eating up Holden’s wrecked expression of pleasure and his cock furiously spilling cum all over. 

As the strength of the orgasm recedes, Holden braces his elbow against Bill’s chest, and lowers his head to his forearm. All of the power seems to seep out of his body, the built up tension and frustration of the last few weeks siphoned from him with the spilling release. He relaxes against Bill’s chest, breathing heavily until the ringing in his ears eases and the hum in his body reaches a controlled baseline again. 

Bill’s cock twitches within him, and his hips urge gently up against Holden. He reaches down to tentatively touch Holden’s sides, fingertips grazing along his ribs and the swell of his hips. 

“Is this okay?” He murmurs, his voice strained with need, yet also flush with understanding. 

Holden nods, wordlessly. 

Bill’s hands curl around his hips as he slowly rolls them over. Holden spills onto his back underneath of Bill, letting his body go limp and pliant to the repositioning. Bill rises above him, and grasps the underside of his thighs to push his legs up against his chest. 

Holden bites his lower lip over a moan as Bill’s cock pushes deeper into his sensitized body. 

Bill grasps his hips, dragging them up from the sheets and into a steep, tilted angle against his cock. Clutching Holden’s backside, he begins to thrust steadily against him, driving whimpered cries from Holden’s throat as every point of contact seems to go down to the depths, so deep that he can hardly stand it. 

“Oh my God!” Holden cries, grabbing at the sheets as Bill drags his hips up into the firm thrusting. “Bill, fuck-”

Bill bends down to drop a kiss against Holden’s knee as he maintains an unbroken pace. The bed groans beneath them as the steady thrusting mounts, hammering into Holden’s weak, docile body with the repressed longing of a weeks long absence. 

“Oh, yes.” Holden pants, lifting his feet to brace them against Bill’s shoulders. “Is this what you wanted to do to me?”

“Fuck, yes.” Bill groans, his fingers tightening around Holden’s hips as his thrusts bear down harder. 

“Good.” Holden pants, bracing himself against the bed sheets. “Harder.” 

Bill’s brow furrows, a flash of surprise registering behind the compounding need in his eyes. 

“As hard as you can.” Holden whispers, pinning his gaze defiantly to Bill’s. 

Bill pulls back suddenly, and Holden’s head spins with pleasure and need as Bill flips him over onto his stomach. Grasping Holden’s hips, he drags him up onto his hands and knees, and thrusts into him from behind. 

Holden’s mouth stretches open in a cry of shock as this angle all but splits him two. He reaches up to grab onto the headboard as Bill’s mouth latches at his neck, and his hips slam into Holden’s backside. 

“Fuck-” Bill groans against his neck. “I’m so close, baby.”

“Oh, yes.” Holden pants, digging his knees into the mattress as Bill’s thrusts hasten to a bone-shaking, deep rhythm. “Fuck me. Just like that, Bill. Fuck me so hard-”

Bill’s fingers sink into his hair, dragging his head back so fiercely that Holden feels some strands pull out by the root. He cries out as Bill’s mouth kisses hard at his throat, scraping tender skin with day old stubble and plastering over it with hot, racing breaths. His groans trail off into breathless gasps as his thrusts reach that certain pace that Holden knows means he’s about to come. 

In a few short seconds, the powerful, deep thrusts taper off into jagged trembles. Bill buries his moan in between Holden’s shoulder blades as orgasm takes him under, and he succumbs to the long, hard spasms. 

Holden gasps as Bill releases inside him, hot, wet bursts of release that have been building since they last saw one another. He relishes the feeling of it pumping him full and dribbling out in excess, marking him with Bill’s cum the way he had marked Bill’s chest earlier. 

Bill sinks down against him, breathing hard into Holden’s bare shoulder. The last of the strength seeps from Holden’s body, and he lets them both drop down against the sheets. Bill lays on top of him for a moment, catching his breath, until Holden nudges him in the ribs with his elbow. 

Bill rolls off him, and lands on his back against the disheveled sheets. He stares up at the ceiling for a moment before turning his head to peek over at Holden.

“That was … incredible.” He whispers, “Who are you, and what did you do with my Holden?”

Chuckling, Holden props his elbows underneath him, and leans over to plant a kiss on Bill’s cheek. “He’s right here.”

Bill loops a lazy arm across his back, and draws him closer to kiss his shoulder. “Feel better?”

“So much better.” Holden says, letting his eyes fall shut in relief as Bill’s mouth trails along his collar bone. “Thank you.”

They snuggle against one another for several minutes until Holden pulls back with a resigned groan. “I guess I need a shower now. So much for an early night, hm?”

“I say you take tomorrow.” Bill says, opening his eyes to regard Holden seriously. “Sleep in, get some rest, come back to work with a level head.”

“My head is perfectly level.”

Bill casts him a skeptical gaze. 

Holden sighs, and rubs a hand through his hair. “Okay, so I was feeling a little helpless and frustrated, but I’m fine now.”

“Holden, as much as I’d like to think sex could resolve everthing, you and I both know that’s not true. We’ll call in the morning, let everyone know you need a day.”

“Bill, no-”

“Shh.” Bill says, reaching up to plant his fingers over Holden’s mouth. “It’s my turn to tell you to shut up and lay still, okay?”

Holden frowns for a moment before nodding. 

“Good, that’s settled, then.” Bill says, pushing up to drop a hasty kiss on Holden’s mouth before he climbs out of bed. 

Holden rolls onto his back, and stares at the ceiling as Bill goes into the bathroom to turn on the shower. The water runs for a few minutes before he manages to rouse himself out of bed. He shuffles into the bathroom on weak knees, his body still feeling like it’s been drained dry and turned inside out. 

He climbs into the shower with Bill, and leans against the cool tile. He scrubs shampoo into his hair as Bill washes his back in slow circles with the soapy washcloth. The dull roar of the water hitting the shower base melds into white noise, blocking out the distant clamor in Holden’s mind. He tries to ground himself in this moment, and remember that some things are good, some things are within his control. Outside this room, there may be darkness and killer gone free, but here, for tonight, he has to remember that there are good things left in the world - and the fact that Bill loves him and will always be here to catch him when he falls is just one of them. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm [prinxcesskayy](https://prinxcesskayy.tumblr.com//) on Tumblr!  
> 


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